“Why do guys make a contest out of everything?” was what Katie, my teenaged-daughter asked, back when she was still in high school. “It is so stupid.”
She was disgusted with a couple of young, male, trombone players in her high school band who created their own competition during a high school football game. They were taking deep breaths and yelling as loud as they could as long as they could. Apparently, the contest lasted for the entire fourth quarter. She didn’t understand them.
I didn’t have much of a reply for her. She was right about it being stupid, but what I didn’t tell her was that if I had been at the game I might’ve been right in the middle of the contest. And of course, I would train during the week so I could put the other guys away at the next game. I’m sure I could yell louder and longer than them.
Katie just didn’t understand guys, and she wasn’t alone. I read an article on the Youth Specialties website about a survey that asked girls to list the things they don’t understand about boys. Almost every single girl who filled out the survey had these questions on their minds: “Why are guys so gross? Why are guys so immature? Why do guys think stupid things are so funny? Why do guys laugh at dumb jokes? Why do guys think body noises are such a big deal?”
The web article told a story about 25 ninth graders who took a school trip to Chicago. On the second morning of the trip the male and female sponsors were sleep-deprived, exhausted, and haggard-looking. The male leader said to the female leader, “You look awful. What happened last night?” The female leader said, “The girls were up all night talking about boys, picking out their outfits for today, comparing their shoes, trading clothes, modeling their swimsuits for each other, painting their nails, plucking each other’s eyebrows, telling stories, and doing their hair. I didn’t get any sleep. You look awful, too. What happened to you?”
The male leader said, “I was up until four in the morning while the guys all tried to out-fart one another. I didn’t get any sleep, either, but I did have a few good laughs.”
Well, who wouldn’t?
The article gave this suggestion: if a guy has a crush on a girl and he finds out that she thinks burping is disgusting, he might change his behavior, at least when he’s in her presence.
And even though I’m 51 years old and I have been married for almost 29 years, I’m still trying to figure how to impress my girl. She doesn’t seem to like my favorite sword-fighting movies. Backpacking in the winter doesn’t attract her. She wears pink when she runs marathons. The female mind is a mystery to me.
But in the past few years I have learned a few things about guys. That is, a few things besides our attraction to body noises.
We guys need to know our place in the bigger picture. And we need to know why what we do matters. Guys will work harder and longer and be more loyal and creative if we know that.
And guys need someone to be proud of us and to brag about us. I think that might be more important to guys than being loved.
Guys make fun of their friends. In fact, if two guys can’t make fun of each other, their friendship will never move beyond hello and goodbye. We will not be comfortable around someone we can’t joke with.
Here is something else I’ve learned – we guys need a story to tell, preferably about how hard we had it. For example, if we hike Guadalupe Peak in perfect weather, all we have to say afterward is, “it was a pretty day.” But if there is a howling wind so that we can barely stand up straight and our water freezes, well, have we got a story to tell now. And a good story lasts longer than the actual event. We can live off a good story for months. The joy from telling a hardship story almost makes up for suffering through the hardship Maybe this goes back to the competition thing - when the other cavemen start tossing their stories around the campfire each guy wants a story of his own that will top the rest.
And finally, I’ve learned that we guys need each other more than we let on. For me, I need guys in my life more than I’ve known. I’ve learned more from the guys I am supposed to be teaching than they can imagine.
Those are just a few things about guys. I am sure I will learn more.
