Journal Entries

I had just finished an hour-long run on the beach at Galveston and set up camp at a city park picnic table so the sea breeze, sea wind, actually, could cool me down and dry me off before I climbed back into my solar-heated Chevy Cobalt rental car. I always forget how muggy it gets by the ocean, even in April. The locals wouldn’t’ve even noticed the humidity at all, but to my West Texas skin and lungs, this was oppressive. I am a big baby when it comes to humidity.

While running, I listened to a podcast from Mars Hill Church by Ed Dobson; he preached about Zaccheus and greed. It was a great talk, the best I’ve ever heard on this very familiar story (Luke 19:1-10). It’s hard to know exactly what Jesus meant when he said salvation had come to Zaccheus’ house, but there is no doubt Zaccheus’ life was radically changed by his encounter with Jesus. He was saved, delivered, set free, from a lifetime of greed.

Ed Dobson said the older he gets, the more he becomes aware of greed in his own life. He said, “I keep discovering greed in my life in forms I never imagined.� Dobson is suffering from ALS, and says he is greedy for a few more years to live, a few more changes to preach and teach.

That morning as I ran and walked along the hard-packed beach sand and seaweed and crushed shells, I thought about the greed in my life and was I happy or sad about it all.

The reason I was in Galveston was to be with Cyndi. She was attending a two-day fitness workshop - which meant she was in class all day learning how to exercise with mind and body, and I got to hang out by myself and read and write and goof around town and the beach. We both got to do our favorite things all day; it was great! I don’t always travel with Cyndi to seminars, but I enjoy every time I do because she is something I’m greedy about. I want to be part of her life. I want to participate in the things that are important to her. I want to learn what she knows, care about her concerns, be changed by the things that impact her. I am greedy for her touch. I want more.

I know I am also greedy, like Ed Dobson, for the chance to speak and write, to express myself, to share what I’ve learned so far. It isn’t enough to learn, I want to share it. I am not greedy to be smarter, but I am greedy to be influential. At present, my church gives me lots of opportunities, and my position in city government opens up doors to a larger community-wide platform. But, I know I am greedy to share more. I want more.

However, as I sat by the ocean writing in my journal, I knew it was cheap to say I’m greedy for Cyndi and greedy to teach. Those are noble things that I should be greedy about; it’s cheesy to include them in a talk about Zaccheus when he made real sacrifices in his life. The fact that I had the opportunity to sit alone as long as I wanted to and write pointed out the thing I am most greedy for in my life: freedom.

Cyndi and I stayed in a historic hotel called the Tremont, and because it was located downtown and there was no place to park, all guests had to use the valet parking service. I asked the desk clerk if I could park on the street but she said it was metered and would be very expensive. She smiled and said that parking was already included in my bill so I wouldn’t have to pay the attendant every time I got the car.

It wasn’t the money I had to tip for valet parking that bothered me; it was having to ask someone else to get my car. I wanted to come and go all day long, on a whim, at a moment’s notice, without having to ask anyone’s permission, especially a teenaged parking attendant. I know that valet parking is a real treat for many people. Some people love to be pampered and taken care, seeing it as a luxurious privilege. Not me. I don’t want to be taken care of. I’d rather be left on my own. I prefer freedom to privilege.

And that’s where my morning run convicted me of greed. I am absolutely greedy, to a fault, for freedom. I don’t need to be in charge of stuff, I don’t care to be famous, I don’t even long to be rich. The only reason I care about money is because it buys freedom and choices.

So the story of Zaccheus has been haunting me about the greed in my life. Am I willing to give away my freedom to serve God? I don’t know. I still want more.