I walked into the small banquet room to see a mission presentation, and sat at one of the large round tables in a back corner where I could see the screen and the speaker. As it turned out, I sat next to a distinguished gentleman who looked familiar to me but in that moment I couldn’t place who he was or where I knew him. (That happens to me more and more.) I sat down with my coffee and said, hello, how are you doing, and all that. I introduced myself and he indicated with his expression that of course he knew me already and said, “Oh, I’m Charles.� Now I remembered.
We talked for a bit and then he asked how long I had been working up on the top floor of the WNB building with all the guys. I said, “As of March 1st, it’s been three years.�
“Wow, I didn’t realize you’d been up there that long. I remember when you first moved in, but forgot when that was.�
I wouldn’t’ve thought he knew me well enough, or I should say, paid attention to me enough, to keep track of me at all, no matter where my office was.
He said, “The older you get, the faster time flies by.�
I said, “That’s true. I’ve decided to stop worrying about trying to stay young, and focus on aging gracefully.�
“Good idea.�
I’ve always figured that the worst thing about getting older is turning into an old grouch. The kind of man who complains about new music and new books and new church and new government and new generations, as if the past is somehow getter than the present or better than the future. I didn’t want to be that guy.
I’ll agree that my memories of the past may be better than my knowledge of the future, but that’s because I tend to discard the lousy memories and keep only the best, like they’re finely-crafted antiques. If I remember only the best memories, I soon convince myself that it was all the best when I was younger.
A couple of years ago Cyndi and Katie and I traveled to Nashville to run the Country Music Marathon (and Half-Marathon). We had a great time together, and the city and the race course were beautiful. It was very hard running – it was a 26-mile marathon, after all – because of the hills. There was hill after hill after hill, something we can’t train for in west Texas. But what I remember most about the race are the people who turned out to watch. There were rock-and-roll bands and country bands playing live music every mile of the race, and lots of neighbors standing on their front lawns, cheering. There is a curious pattern to what marathon spectators yell out when people like me run by. Early in the race they say things like: “Looking good.� Later, after the miles have extracted their heavy toll, the encouragement changes to: “Hang in there.�
It is the story of getting older - we move from looking good to hanging in there. But I didn’t think simply hanging in there was enough. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.� That’s what I wanted to learn how to do. I wanted to hang in there with grace and hope and joy.
So I adopted the phrase - to age gracefully – and it has reshaped my present life. It’s become my guideline for how I exercise, how I choose my workouts, how I run, what I read, what I watch, or who I listen to. Erwin McManus says we should learn how to lean into the future, and I guess that is part of what I am trying to do. I’ve had enough of leaning back into the past. (Don’t jump to too many conclusions about this. I’m planning to attend a concert next month where my favorite band from high school, Chicago, will play all the songs I still know and love. That isn’t leaning back, that’s just good taste.)
The thing is, leaning into the future is hard and risky because we don’t know which way to lean. The future can go so many different directions we’re likely to get caught off-balance leaning the wrong way. It’s much easier leaning back toward the past because we know exactly where the past is. Leaning into the future is unknown. It can be scary.
But it is future-leaners that make a difference in the world, not past-draggers. And the preachers and teachers I find myself migrating toward nowadays are leaners. I want to be like them.
If you have any suggestions on how to make this switch to graceful aging, I’d like to hear them. I plan to have several more decades ahead of me and I’ll need all the help I can get.
Barry,
Hello again, after seeing you yesterday and getting the info on how these blogs work, talking about age. I came to work this morning checking out the news and remembering Barry’s Journal. Interesting topic and I’m with you. I have gone through these past few months, six to be exact with some health issues and realizing I wasn’t as invincible as I thought….the getting older factor. So through all this I have learned are still learning and leaning and you know who, God my Father and of course my most precious and closest friend my Spouse, and O my gosh, family and friends, you take life for granted till something happens. All who have not left my side. So we have also adopted the phrase - to age gracefully - to throw in the feminist remark, I still think it’s a little harder for women, ha! We have realized how “priceless” life is and how important it is to take care NOW.
I am in my early 50s and I appreciated your reflections. I lean into the future
on the triple legs of faith, simplicity and positivism. As we get older, our words
with God are more direct, hopefully more humble and mercy seeking. Simplicity
brings a smile, as I find joy in a cup of hot English tea, my new wing back chair,
a bit of Mozart, and a book. I lean towards people and events that are positive.
I used to love Stephen King books, but I do not wish to be scared anynore; there
are many scary things in life as it is. I want to be around people who are positive and as a teacher I insist on positivism among my students and I flee from
the occasional teacher who mopes and groans. Instead, I lean to the future in awe of God, as I know He will take us down new paths. Life >is good!
Good writing, Barry. Good comments as well. Speaking of leaning back, where can one lean back with Chicago next month?
Berry. Reading your blog about the Chicago concert brought back memories of simpler times we had as teenagers back in Hobbs. My wife Gail got to go to the concert with a group from Nurses Unlimited which was a sponsor, but I unfortunately had to toil away out of town as a faithful public servant of the citizens of the State of Texas. When I found out Chicago was coming to Odessa, it reminded me of our first garage band, practicing at your house on Thorpe street with Ricky Woody and some other high school musicians whose names I’ve long forgotten. It made me remember the joy of making music with friends and how that first garage band opened the door to a world I continue to enjoy today. Although much greyer with fewer hairs than back then, I still remember the fun and excitment we all had ever time the band I currently play the bass in takes the stage. I’m playing again and I’m having a blast after leaving the music business for many years to raise our family and get a “real job”. When Gail brought me home a 2 cd set of Chicago’s tunes from the concert, it was like being 16 again, learning the riffs to 25 or 6 to 4 and the other Chicago tunes we played, sitting and listeneing to the records, and just experiencing the fun of it all. Like I said, simpler times. I just wanted to say, thanks for the memories, man, thanks for the memories.